I’m going to tell you why I became addicted to porn, and what kept me addicted for 10 years. It had nothing to do with craving sex, or “manly urges.”
Porn addiction has to do with your state of mind. Porn addiction recovery is about transforming that state of mind from one that is susceptible to addiction to one that isn’t.
The answers may not be easy, but some of them are simple. And while I can’t wave my magic wand or tell you “3 secrets that get you sober permanently”, I do have some advice and information I hope will help you in your journey.
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Why People Become Addicted to Porn
If we are trying to stop watching porn, or seeking to understand a loved one who is addicted, we need to know that porn addiction has very little to do with the sexual act itself, and far more to do with getting a “fix”.
Research shows that pornography physically changes the brain. We can’t get the same “dopamine hit” during normal sex that we can during a session with porn.
Why? Think about the novelty that porn offers; the number of different partners and new experiences available at the click of the button. Think about how quickly someone can go from 0 to 100 with one of those “partners” in an instant… Is any of that like having sex in a real relationship? How can sex in real life possibly compete?
Porn addiction becomes addictive in part because it outdoes any sexual experience the human brain is meant to have. In addition, it is addictive because of the amount of shame that is often involved in the experience, which I’ll talk more about soon.
Why I Became Addicted to Porn
As a kid, I was high-strung, perfectionistic, and somewhat impulsive. I felt stressed out much of the time and had so much inner intensity that I simply didn’t have the skills or understanding to deal with. I also had low self-esteem, and, more importantly, a low sense of self-worth. I didn’t believe I was worthy of good things. I had negative self-talk and was worried others didn’t accept me.
In my experience, this is quite common for those with addiction. Whether that be an addiction to porn, sex, cocaine, gambling, or some other “drug of choice”.
As a kid, I sought out video games and junk food as a way to cope with all of the stress I was facing. These helped me self-soothe, albeit ineffectively and temporarily. When I was 13, I then sought out porn as a way to cope.
I didn’t know that I was high-strung or stressed out. To me, it was just normal life. These negative feelings fueled my need for a “fix”, just as they do for others I have worked with and observed.
Shame and Porn Addiction
From the